Monday, November 2, 2009

Ramblings on the way the world should be *nose elevated*

We do not live in a perfect world. u probably already knew this. but how should the world be? let me tell you.

first of all, in a perfect world a short, slightly pudgy and balding guy like myself would be considered the epitome of handsome. None of this chiseled abs and tan crap.

In a perfect world no one would drink or smoke cuz that stuff is gross. There would be no drug trade and the people who traffic that shiz would have nothing better to do with their lives than get real jobs and contribute to society.

In a perfect world people would have enough respect for themselves and others to wait until they are married to do the dirty. Then the fruits of those relationships (AKA children) would be allowed to grow up in complete families with both parents and be allowed to contribute to society.


In a perfect world everyone would be kind to each other. The hospital where I had my appendix removed last year would just leave me alone and quit nagging me about paying them money. The guy whose car i rear ended would simply decide that he likes his car the way it is so that i, a poor college student, can continue to eat. All of my professors and TAs would decide that in order to be kind they will just give me and everyone else A's for the semester.

In a perfect world everyone would love me. My sometimes misunderstood humor would be understood and never be found offensive by anyone...ever. Anything I say/do would be found to be inspirational and/or hilarious. Any girl that I ever gave attention to would automatically like me back and realize immediately that whatever guy she might be with is a big hoser and then decide to ditch him as to be with me.

In a perfect world I would be articulate and never say stupid things that get me into trouble. I would be able to whip out shnazzy ideas in the blink of an eye and be as graceful as one of those ice dancer people in the Olympics. I would be good at all sports, and have the hand eye coordination and speedy fast reflexes of Neo from the matrix.

But alas, a perfect world we do not live in. I say dumb things and do stupid things. I make mistakes and even crash cars, giving sweet innocent girls black eyes. For these short comings I apologize.

All girls do not like me, though I do not pretend to understand why, and people keep coming after me for money. Horny folks continue to do their thing before marriage and their poor offspring have to suffer the consequences. And what is there to do about it?

Just try I guess. When no one else gives a crap and no one else is working to improve the world I guess we have to...I guess I have to....Darn it all, I hate that kind of responsibility.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Ramblings on the Why Game *squirm*

When I was younger I used to babysit these kids. One of them loved to play what I call the why game. It drove me insane. In the why game what happens is the kid asks a question and the adult answers. The kid then takes that answer and turns it into a why question. for example:

Q: what's your favorite color?
A: Blue
Q: why is that your favorite color?
A: Because the sky is blue.
Q: why is the sky blue?

You can see that it can get more complicated from there. Eventually I usually just had to tell the kid to shut up and go to bed.

But I have been thinking a lot about the Why Game lately. I've even started playing it with myself. I like to think it is a modified more mature version...but I'm probably wrong. It always seems to lead to pretty deep self-examination kind of stuff. Something I don't think I do a ton of on here. I have found that I mostly criticize people and society...but not myself...So anyway I thought it would make for an interesting blog post.

Q: Why do I procrastinate school work?
A: Cuz there are a million things I'd rather do.
Q: Why are those things better?
A: Cuz those things involved girls, and fun, and food.
Q: What's better about those things than school?
A: Everything.
Q: Why?
A: Cuz school is boring and I have lame classes that I'm not interested in and I hate busy work.
Q: Why aren't I interested in my classes?
A: Cuz there are all these dumb things I have to take before I can take the classes about stuff that I like. And even the classes that are about stuff I do like, they still fill with lame busy work that is lame.
Q: What's busy work exactly?
A: Anything that's not necessary. Stupid little worksheets about stuff we learned in high school. Dumb iclicker quizzes to pad the grades of people who don't know how to prepare for a tests and inhibit those of us that do.  Group assignments where I wana rip my hair out cuz the rest of the group are morons and I get stuck with most of the work.
Q: Why do I get stuck with most of the work?
A:Cuz I volunteer for stuff too easily. When a task gets tossed out there and no one jumps at it I always have to take the bullet and do it. And then when someone falls through I pick up their slack so I don't feel guilty for pushing it off on other people.
Q: Why would that make me feel guilty?
A: I dunno...cuz I like complicating my own life.
Q: Why do I like complicating my own life?
A: Well I don't LIKE complicating my life but at least I'm not all idle and stuff when I have a lot going on.
Q: So I want to have a lot going on?
A: I guess in a way yeah. I'd rather be busy than sit around all day.
Q: Why?
A: Cuz when I sit around all day I get into trouble
Q: what kind of trouble?
A: Well a lot of stuff, I eat a ton...I watch...things on TV that are in no way uplifting...I text people a lot and we talk about nothing and it get's confusing.
Q: Why's it get confusing?
A: Cuz it's hard to know what people mean in text messages. You can't hear the inflections in their voice or see their body language or be sure when they are being sarcastic. Cuz lets face it most of what's said in a conversation is not said in words.
Q: Why don't I just call people then?
A: Cuz people might be in class. or in the middle of something important. Also I have serious issues understanding people on the phone. Heck I have serious issues understanding people in person sometimes.

And thats enough of that....you get the idea. It could go on forever. Maybe next time I'll do something a bit deeper. like Q: Why do I trivialize anything deep? Why can't I openly spill my guts to ANYONE? Like the people who read my blog?....yeah that'd be good. Next time!

Ramblings on cold weather *chills*

I served as a missionary in Recife Brazil for 2 years. I was more or less 8 degrees form the equator the whole time. It was HOT. But I did not serve there by accident. I like to think that I had some influence on the Lord's decision to send me there, because I prayed really really really hard when i sent in my mission papers (application type thing) that I wouldn't go anywhere cold. And it worked. Prayer works.

However years later when I had moved home I prayed and asked him another question. I asked him if I should move to Provo and go to BYU. He said I should. At the time I didn't really think about the weather because it was summer/spring time and  warm. However now that it is snowing outside, I remember that I really hate cold weather and that winters here are dang cold. This is no bueno.

I'm from Colorado so I am no stranger to cols weather. That does not mean that I enjoy it however. Somehow everything hurts more when it's cold. Somehow everything from getting out of bed to showering takes longer when it's cold. But most of all I get all goosebumpy and shivery and I hate that. I hate the cold wind blowing in my face until I can no longer feel my nose. I like being able to feel the different parts of my body and know that they are still functioning. I do not like wondering just how long I have left until my fingers and/or toes fall off.

Now cold weather does have its merits. There are snowball fights, snowboarding, sledding, snow angels, snowmen,  ice skating with pretty girls, and that awesome feeling of walking out of the cold and into a heated building...but that's about it. Everything else about it sucks. So now that winter is upon me...I'm looking for reasons to like it...because maybe if I can find enough reasons to like it then I will hate it just a tiny bit less and hate myself a tiny bit less for choosing to live in such a cold place. Until I can find a certain amount of things to like about it...Well I'm just gonna have to rely on the fact that the big guy upstairs told me that this is wheere I should be.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Ramblings on having too much faith in people *grimace*

Every once in a while I have a day or a week where people just freaking suck. People who I thought I could rely on bail, and random strangers who I don't even know do the rudest, stupidest things. This has been one of those weeks.

I don't think I need to give any specific examples because you all know what it's like to have people pull that kind of stuff, but what the heck is there to do about it? Do you tell them to their faces that they are jerks and need to be nicer? do you try to explain to them logically why treating other people like they don't matter will only come back to bite them in the butt later? or do you just ignore it, walk away, and pray really hard that they get hit by a semi? 

I have a hard time with this. It really depends on the person, but I have a really hard time telling most people that they are being jerks or even just acting like jerks. I mean how do you tell the nice sweet girl down the street that she treats people like they are just there to serve her? or tell the bus driver that it's not his passengers' fault that he hates his job? I mean do you even try to tell them at all? Do they already know?

See I have this idea, in my brain, that most people are generally nice people who will do the right thing if you give them the chance. But I think I might be wrong about that. Is it really too much to assume that people will actually do what they say they are going to do? When they say they are going to be somewhere at a certain time is it too much to expect them to be there? and when they aren't there or don't do what they promised, then what? Is it because they really just hate other people and think they are better than everyone else? do they enjoy messing stuff up for other people? I don think so....is it really because they are jerks and just don't know it? is it because the people they made those promises to just don't matter to them? or are they just self absorbed and oblivious to it all?

I'm not even sure which of those would be the worst. At least the strait forward jerks are straight forward about it but at the same time the oblivious ones don't realize what they do. Does the motivation even matter? Is the result the only thing that matters? I mean I guess this applies to more than just my crappy week. Intentions vs. outcome  is one of those issues that comes out every time that the outcome is less than desirable, like Iraq, 9/11, the housing crash...Steven's love life. LOL. 

But like seriously I wish we'd all consider the possible outcomes a bit more carefully before we make decisions. We all have influence on everything around us. People's feelings, people's livelihoods, even people's lives sometimes. I know that sometimes none of the choices will give the optimal outcome but seriously just think a bit before you do stuff. Yes we have to each do what is right for ourselves and our families but even before that we need to think about what god would have us do and also take into consideration other people and circumstances around us. 

I kind of suck at it too, I know, and I want to be better at it, but holy cow some people really just need a smack upside the head and staggering trials to teach them humility. They just need to be glad that I am not the one with the power to dish out trials....

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Ramblings on the "Hover and Swoop" technique *rolls eyes"

So have I recently observed what I call the "Hover and Swoop Technique" quite a bit and upon pointing it out to girls I discovered that they seriously do not notice it. This amazes me.

Now what is the Hover and Swoop? The Hover and Swoop occurs when a guy wants to approach a girl who is either surrounded by other guys or who has not yet arrived at the location in question. What the "Hoverer" does is stay in a location either where he can see her (even if from a distance) or where he knows she will be. When she arrives or he sees an opening, that is when he swoops. The Hover and Swoop can be adapted to many different situations. Below are some examples of situations in which I have most often seen this hover and swoop phenomenon occur.
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At a Party/event/semi-large to large gathering of people.
If she has already arrived but is talking to other people, he will pay attention to conversations near her or that she participates in, hoping that he will be able to add something to the conversation and jump in and talk to her. He also watches for an opening physically. Maybe, just maybe the guy she is talking to will walk off for a second or get pulled into another conversation. When this happens our hoverer can swoop in and save her from standing there like a loner with no one to talk to.

Often the hoverer arrives early at said party/event/whatever as to not miss a moment of time which he might possibly spend in the girl's presence. And so as previously mentioned our hoverer hovers near the entrance, or some other place that she must pass by. Ideally as she passes by our hoverer will swoop in by striking up a conversation or throwing out some clever quip which will cause her to adore him and/or find him hilarious.

At a meeting or lecture typical in religious and other organizations as well as the workplace. 
Now good hoverers don't just stand in one place and stare awkwardly. Good hoverers use all of their senses and their peripheral vision in order to track the girl at all times while still appearing to mix and mingle himself. He can be standing on the other side of the room (it helps if he is tall) and facing another direction but still know where she is and what direction she is going, as well as who she is talking to.    As opportunities present themselves, for example the ending of a meeting at work or some other organization, the hoverer will make his way swiftly yet nonchalantly toward her. This is of course assuming that he did not successfully complete the hover and swoop before the meeting, which would almost guarantee him a seat next to her. This is not a simple process, it takes planning ahead of time.

The hoverer must be observant before during and after the meeting. Before the meeting begins he must place himself carefully in relation to where she is positioned. He must sit near enough to approach her quickly after the meeting ends, but far enough away that it is not obvious he is trying to get close to her. During the meeting there are a couple different tasks he must accomplish. First he plans out the most effective route from his location to hers, as well as contingency plans which take into account the movements of other people which might create blockage in his planned pathways.

Also during the meeting he must scout out the competition. Any girl worth using this technique upon will probably be of high demand in any large group containing heterosexual males. For this reason Our hoverer must be careful to try and predict who will try to approach her after the meeting and how he might do it - in order to block or disrupt him. After the meeting ends and people begin to rise, the hoverer must be able to rise quickly from his seat and ideally arrive at the girl's location as she rises. The difficult part here is to do it without appearing to be a spazoid or weirdo. Many often use a full bladder or cellular phone as their excuse, though there are many others.


At the supermarket, gas station, mall, or other retail location
Though many will be surprised to learn this, those nice guys that girls just happen to run into in stores and such? Yeah those are hoverers. The guy who you accidentally bumped into in the deodorant aisle and also just happens to be in the trashy romance novel aisle with you too? Yeah that's not fate. That is a hoverer. These hoverers must be quick on their feet and knowledgeable in many subjects so that no matter what aisle they "accidently" run into you in they can strike up a conversation - be it about trashy romance novels, deoderant, or paper plates and cups.

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Now in all fairness the hover and swoop is quite common, tho I am not sure anyone has noticed it as much as I have. It does not necessarily imply that the guy is creepy or a sexual predator. In fact  I am sure that most guys use this in one way or another. As I think about it even I have done this before. How else do you approach a girl you have never met? Or even one you know, who is simply otherwise occupied. Some guys can afford to wait for the girl to come to him. But not all of us are quite that impressive or desirable. And so we observe for a bit and look for a moment in which we can approach her. But some definitely take it over the top. They abuse the privilege entirely.

The hover and swoop can also be used defensively, like a shield. Men pay attention to what other men are doing men so if you hover close enough or frequently enough to a girl other guys will realize that if they attempt to swoop then a block will occur. And so the first and often most dedicated hoverer has what many might call "dibs." This is not cool. Dibs are bullcrap. This takes a useful yet somewhat ridiculous technique and turns it into a weapon. Unless you have an actual claim upon the girl in question do not become territorial and possessive.

Uncle Ben once taught Peter Parker (and by extension all of us) that "with great power comes great responsibility." Remember that as you traverse the ocean that is the dating world. Also remember the wise words of Master Qui-Gon Jinn "there's always a bigger fish...one who can flat out kick your trash" (okay so I added that last part - so sue me....)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Ramblings on screwing up *slaps forehead*

So going to BYU and living in Provo (and watching general conference) there is a lot of pressure to date and get married and all that. And when I say a lot of pressure, I mean you hear about it pretty much daily from church leaders and teachers etc. The problem is that I have never been a huge fan of dating here. The little games drive me nuts and on top of that you have to wonder what she thinks, and then try to figure what she thinks you think, and then also what she thinks that you think she thinks about a given situation/comment/action. It's maddening. Why can't we all just say what's on our minds? Not to mention that all the cool girls get way more attention from guys than is healthy.

They slip into this mode (probably not even on purpose) where they just kind of get used to guys fawning over them and taking them places and stuff and their egos kind of get out of control. On top of that, because everyone here has marriage on the brain constantly that's how they critique dates. Both guys and girls seem to be analyzing their date from the moment they meet them to determine their potential as a possible eternal companion. I guess this can be good but it drives me nuts. People scrutinize everything from what the person wears and says, to the way they hold their freaking fork. It is nearly impossible to find a cool, attractive girl who you can just hang out with and get to know, without having to worry about all the scrutiny.

Because to be honest I'm not that worried about  marriage right now. I want to get married someday but I'm not in a rush. I am all for meeting a great girl, falling in love, being all mushy and stuff and then deciding to get married. But in that order.
1. meet girl
2. fall in love and be all mushy, then
3. decide to get married.

Not this order,
1. think and agonize constantly about getting married
2. meet girl
3. try to be all mushy so she falls in love with me,  then
4. convince her to marry me.

I feel like thats what a lot of people try to do - and it doesn't work. That's why they are still single and still wrecking havoc on the dating world.

So, I look at dating a lot different than I think most people do, here in Provo at least. Of course I'm gonna make every attempt to be my best around girls, but I try to be myself still, and not some other guy. Even if that other guy, that I could pretend to be, might be more smooth, fun, or articulate than I. I try to be honest and straightforward about whats going on, and not play any of the games.

Having said all of that...I know a few really cool girls. One in particular. She knows who she is...and so do some of you. She is just plain cool and we can hang out and goof off and talk, without scrutiny. Well maybe there is scrutiny on her end - but if so, she hides it well. And so now that I have found a cool girl who...yeah I'm interested in...how do I go about wooing said girl? I break her face with my car...yes really.

We've hung out some and have been on a double date but a few days ago we went on our first single date, just the two of us. We went bowling. It was a lot of fun. Leaving the bowling alley on campus we decided to go get something to eat right? So we were driving there when it happened.

Longish story shortish: Brakes were slammed. Wet pavement prevented actual stopping of the car. Cars collided. Air bags deployed. Even hitting the other car wouldn't have been so bad - cuz I was only going 15-20 MPH - but when the airbags smack you in the face at like 35 mph...it hurts. It also breaks the windshield. Which means broken bits of glass.

So...where to go from there? LOL who even knows? She definitely got the worst of it. I didn't have a mark on me, but she got a black eye and a wicked headache. When she went to the student health center the next day they pulled some small pieces of glass out of her eye. They said everything will heal fine...but for now...she has a pretty black eye. Thanks to yours truly.  I took her over to some steps and sat her down there while I went and talked to the other driver, who was also fine. He was quite cool about it all and we exchanged information and all of that. Her roommate came and picked her up while I drove my car, nice and slow-like, back to our apartment complex.

I tried my best to make sure she was okay and did what I could for the rest of the night to make her feel better, but really how do you make that up to a girl? After we all got back to her apartment I got my roommate to take me to get her some food and even got dessert. I tried to lighten the mood telling the lame jokes that I tell. I even brought her a half gallon of her favorite flavor of ice cream the next day. Hopefully it's helped to make her feel better...but I still feel like a complete and total idiot.

The hardest part is that she has been so cool about it. I mean let's face it. It was my fault. She put her trust in me to take her out and get her home safely, which I failed to do. Failed miserably. It could have been worse I know, but it could have been a lot better too. She kept telling me not to worry about it - like that's gonna happen. I almost wish she would just yell at me because I can't think of a way to punish myself sufficiently. I guess in reality there is nothing that I can do to make her eye better or whatever, and feeling guilty won't help anything, but...I still feel guilty as heck and like I need to do something. Maybe once I have paid for a new windshield and the repairs to the other guys car (not too bad and hopefully not too expensive) my monetary suffering will have been sufficient. If not, then being broke and eating ramen noodles for the rest of semester until my new loan installment comes through...that could do it too.

If I may say so (which I may cuz there is no one to stop me) she is still as beautiful as ever, even with a black eye. And the fact that she has been so cool about it all makes her pretty much a saint. I probably won't be allowed to forget this for a long long time, by her, her roommates, or by my family and friends. I can however hope for one more chance (maybe more?) to take her out and prove that we can have an exciting time without damaging my precious cargo. :D

Ironically enough I just got a call from the guy I hit and it's gonna cost a lot more than I thought...So I think my penance is about to be paid...in cold hard cash...which I don't have...

Friday, October 9, 2009

Ramblings on Obama's Nobel Peace Prize *scoff*






Okay so can I just say Double-U Tee Eff? 


Barack Obama has not even been in freaking office for a year and has yet to do anything except for spend a whole ton of money that we don't have, ignore Afghanistan, and allow Iran, North Korea, and Venezuela to mock the U.S. completely. Oh and let's not forget his healthcare program that he has been trying to force down our throats for the last few months. But somehow doing nothing while still promising to do amazing things for the entire world sometime in the future...that equals Nobel Peace Prize. Sounds to me like pretty much any politician who has ever run for office deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. 


Mahatma Ghandi, who did amazing things throughout his life and made huge leaps and bounds in the whole world peace department...yeah he didn't get a Nobel Peace Prize...and he actually DID something. Lots of somethings, in fact. He helped liberate an entire nation peacefully. He inspired other revolutionary and civil rights leaders all over the world to achieve their goals peacefully. And HE did not win a Nobel Peace Prize. Can you say JACKED UP? 


The hype surrounding this guy annoys the crap out of me. He is not Martin Luther King Jr. He is not George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. Heck he isn't even FDR or Ronald Reagan (who many will say were both either geniuses or complete idiots - depending who you ask). He has not liberated anyone. He has not made significant changes to society. He has not done anything to promote peace in the world. All he has done is talked about it. I talk about losing weight ALL the time - BUT I have never actually done it. I think I deserve the title of Biggest Loser and the prize money from this season of the NBC show. 


He was nominated for the prize only 11 Days after being inaugurated. 11 DAYS!! what!?! Not only has he not done enough to deserve it up to the point of actually accepting the award - but they had already picked him out even before that! He was basically given a prestigious and sought after award for being the first Black President of the United States. You can call me racist if you want. I really don't care. But it's not true. 


Martin Luther King Jr. himself said "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." Say what you will, but a large number of people who voted for Barack Obama in the general election did so because of the color of his skin, not because of the content of his character. I personally did not like John McCain much and made it a point to ask Obama supports about him and why they liked him. The vast majority of people that I talked to (and there were a great deal) knew nothing about his policies, they simply knew that he was able to fire up a crowd and wanted change. Did they even know what kind of change he meant? No. Over half of them mentioned in one way or another that it is about time we have a black president. Obviously a motivating factor if it’s one of the top 3 reasons to vote for the man.


I think it’s great that we as a people have arrived at the point where we can and have elected a black man to lead our nation. I understand the importance of the notion and what it means for equality. I do however feel that his policies are crap and that he has an alternate agenda, which varies greatly from that which he purports to the nation. Perhaps he does state his agenda directly, but no one understands his words to mean what he intends them to mean.  I feel that he was elected because of the color of his skin, in order for certain groups to make a statement, and not because of what he stands for, because in reality no one has figured that part out yet.


And so 11 days after being instated he was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. He had spent the last year talking about things and making claims about what he wanted to do, but was not even in a position of power for two weeks when they decided “hey this guy deserves a Nobel Prize, because A: we are so glad to see Bush gone, 2. Because he has promised to do so many great things…oh yeah and because he is the first black president”


Come on, you’re all thinking it. I just said it out loud.


In reality all they have done, by award this significant prize to someone who hasn’t done jack squat, is lower the value, meaning, and importance of something that has always been so great. The same effect Obama seems to have been having on our nation. But what can we do about it? Even less than Obama has done so far. We are just little people. We aren’t heads of committees, groups, and organizations which wield national and international power…well not yet anyway.


Other articles on Obama’s Peace Prize shenanigans: